23 things I’ve learnt by the age of 23

Today is my 23rd birthday (happy birthday Me!!) A little random fact about me is that I actually share my birthday with my Mumma, so sorry about that Mum 23 years ago today on your birthday I’m sure the last thing you wanted to be doing was in immense pain in a hospital in not so sunny Salisbury. So also Happy Birthday Madre if you’re reading this…and well if you’re not, awks.  I started writing this particular post back in October 2017 because I have seen these types of things floating around the interweb and I wanted to put my little spin on it and also because it takes me either an hour tops to write a hearts and feelsy post or I need a solid year of my life to actually sit down and  think about it all. So this is a totally awesome scheduled post, because ya gurl abfab has got to grips with technology and figured how to actually do this, and boy is it helpful. Anyway, back to the actual post eh?

 

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The last year has been pretty big for me in so many ways and I really wanted to share my little journey with you and everything I have learned.

  • Friends don’t always last forever and that’s okay.

I always struggle keeping and hanging onto friends to the point where I used to disregard some of my feelings and do what makes them happy to just hang onto them. I had a bit of a rough time in my job which I quit in July 2017 and after that I felt like a gigantic weight had been lifted. Shortly after I did stop making the effort with people that didn’t bring me any happiness and I have felt exponentially happier.

  • Your happiness is the most important thing.

Following on from what I just said. If it doesn’t make you happy then really in the words of Elsa LET IT GO.  I have struggled massively over the years of being happy in myself, comfortable in myself and for the first time in a very long time I feel very content being Abbie.

  • A job isn’t the be all and end all.

OK so some people are naturally ambitious when it comes to their job or their careers and THAT IS FINE I am definitely not disputing that. I hope that I eventually get myself a job that drives me crazy for it in all the good ways. The type of job which I love. But there is an immense pressure in schools I’ve found to have a career that you want set in stone and decided, or your uni application and personal statement printed off and bound in Italian leather for Christ’s sake. It is fine to not know. I still don’t know. I don’t even know what I want for lunch let alone my job?!

  • Your family love you unconditionally.

I am incredibly lucky that I have a very loving (albeit sometimes slightly overbearing jus saying) family that would indefinitely do anything for me. I haven’t been the best daughter/sister but I made some promise books for their Christmas presents which I hope we can upkeep.

  • And if other people do, don’t let them go.

Literally I wanna scream this from the rooftops. Honeeeyyyyy if they give you nothing but happiness LET EM GO. I know it’s a lot easier said than done sometimes and it can take a lot of actual guts to just distance yourself from people if you don’t have anyone else; and trust me I’m speaking from experience. It will be hard but it’ll be so much more worth it when you are with the right people who treat you like the royalty you are.

  • Toxic friendships.

I am in the midst of writing something about toxic friendships. But it’s taken me a long time, nearly most of my life, to realise what a toxic friend or a toxic friendship really is. The difficulty being is that you might not even notice it at first and it’ll slowly, slowly creep in. Maybe all of a sudden you’re only ever seeing them on their terms, or they’re a bit offhand or make a few icy comments here or there. Friendships or relationships are a two way thing and if you feel you can’t bring it up to the said friend and sort it out and carry on, distancing yourself until you’ve both resolved your issues or distancing yourselves in general is no bad thing.

  • Trust your gut.

If something doesn’t sit right with you or it doesn’t feel *quite* ok with you it probably isn’t. I’ve grown up with my parents always saying to me to trust my gut which doesn’t always bode well for me as I do bloat and get IBS so I can’t trust every belly rumble.

  • Learn to love your body shape.

I saw a nice thing online recently about how would your seven year old self feel if someone said to them all the words you’d use to describe yourself? They’d probably be sobbing their little seven year old heart out amirite?? Learning to love the skin you’re in and the body shape you are can be more of a challenge in recent years with mounting pressure from the media or social pressures on how to eat, how to dress or what size to be. As long as you’re happy that’s the main thing. It’s taken me a long time to like parts about myself for instance I really like my eyes, they’re light blue and I have them from my granddad and my mum and it reminds me of them. I like that I am speckled with freckles and I am learning to love the imperfections. I’m not the size I’d like to be but I’m getting there and I’m happy.

  • Join in with something new. 

I’m really considering joining the gym which would usually fill me with a sickening dread but my local one has some great exercise classes from spinning, clubbercise to boxercise and self defence lessons which is something I think would be just good to know.

  • Try something new as often as you can.

I want to be as adventurous and as courageous (well within reason you won’t see me somersaulting into the grand canyon for the bantz) but I want to do more out of my comfort zone and actually live a little more.

  • It’s ok to not know  what you’re doing or where you’re at.

I know when I was at school there was a lot of pressure to sort of know what you wanted to do for a career, what uni you were going to, your future husbands blood type and what Volvo you’ll drive (I went to a stuck up countryside school) truth be told I’ve never really known what I want to do but I’ve known what I don’t want to do which is something.

  • You’re amazing and you need to give yourself more credit.

I am always quite hard on myself more often than not focusing on the negatives, the things I’d change about myself or what I haven’t done over the positives, the wonderful things i’ve achieved or the great friends and family I have. It can be quite hard to change yourself out of lifelong mindset and to become more positive and happy go lucky but this year, in 2018, that’s something I’m going to try.

  • take in the small things.

I want to be able to appreciate the little things a lot more. Mindfulness and the little things that make me tick whether that be facing the correct way on a train, getting a double yolked egg or hitting every single set of traffic lights on my journey on green lights. OR that extra vanilla-ry latte in a exuberant coffee chain.

  • Spend time with your family. they were people, they were young and had a life before they became names like mum or dad or taxi, get to know them.

I think this one is super important to be honest I feel a bit silly and naive to even have to do it. Sometimes it can be easy to forget that those closest to you in life like your parents or grandparents have a lot of love to give and probably have some pretty damn cool stories to tell and all. They are human and have lived life and experienced things. One day they may not be around to teach you how to make that family recipe victoria sponge or to take you on a trip down their memory lane. Cherish them whilst you can.

  • Doing things for me is good.

In fear of looking selfish or knowing it’s a lot easier to say yes to people I can often miss out on things I actually really want to do just because I’m feeling anxious or don’t want to go it alone. My aim for 2018 is to step outside of my comfort zone and make number one happy.

  • Doing stuff on your own is fine. Be your own best friend. 

Following on from my previous point, going solo on something can be weird and scary at first but I’m hoping slowly and surely I’ll get more comfortable in my own company. I’ve always been a little bit jealous of those types of people that don’t care what anyone else thinks when they take themselves for a nice lunch out for one or a solo cinema trip. Small examples I know.

  • Quality is better than quantity, I have one or two friends outside of my family that I can totally rely on and I am really OK with that.

Now if you said that to me a few years ago I would have totally freaked out at the thought at not having a whole handful of friends, pinging group chats and enough Snapchat besties to shake a stick at. My circle has got a lot smaller but a lot closer and tighter. I can rely on these people for anything, we get each other and more importantly one of them just came round with a big box filled with my favourite CHOCOLATE BISCUITS.

  • See the world.

I really want to travel a lot more this year. Something of a cliche as I seem to say that every year but I really mean it this time I promise. Whether that be a few weekends away here and there with my sister and my best pals or travelling to far away lands or a few weeks.

  • Have a makeover.

I’ve dyed my hair practically every colour in the last year from brown, to blonde, pink, purple, silver, peach, red, ginger and back to blonde again. I’ve fallen in love with the feeling of reinventing myself with new ‘do or trying a new lipstick colour. Go figure. I know that sounds quite vain and vapid but it’s mad how different you look and feel with platinum blonde locks and dodgy bangs.

  • Treat yourself.

If you want that fancy Nancy dress that’s a little bit pricier than you’d usually spend, treat yo self. If you really want to splurge on a boujee lunch rather than a sad soggy sandwich I say do it gurl and Instagram the heck out of it. That car you’ve been dreaming and lusting over for years, save up and see what you can do. I go through waves when I love how materialistic I am and then other times I wish I was a lot more like a spiritual goddess who lived off the earth and didn’t have any worldly possessions. HOWEVER that’s not really real for me. I like having the nice things, the pretty things, the things I really want.

  • Learn to adult a little bit.

Whether that be I’m able to cook a little better, take care of myself a little more aka booking my own doctors appointments rather than depending on my mam or figuring out what all the little signs mean on my car. Turns out it’s not a good flashing exclamation mark when it appears.

  • How to take a good pic. 

I have mastered the selfie face. After years of hating the way I look and physically cringing when a camera was brought out, I am comfortable knowing if I pout a little and tilt my head to the right all is good and I won’t need to untag myself from said picture and block the said ‘friend’ on every social platform.

  • Follow your own path. don’t feel like you need to keep up with Jones’ you do you. do what makes you happy.

When I quit my job I was actually terrified about what everyone else would say, what they would think and how they would be talking about me or treating me afterwards. It’s taken a longer time than I expected but now I really, wholeheartedly do not care what they think. I know I am exponentially happier than I would have been if I had stayed put and also if I carried on caring about what they all think too.

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend whatever you’re all up to, celebrate with me from a distance if you can!


3 thoughts on “23 things I’ve learnt by the age of 23

  1. Great lessons. Especially the one about “friends”. I always relied on gut feeling and put a lot of effort into real friends, and just ignored the rest. But at some point, I decided to make an experiment and try harder with everyone. What happened? You guessed it – nobody cared. They did not reciprocate. So I went back to sticking with my actual friends and not trying to force it.

    Like

  2. Seeing the world gives you great perspective and makes it easier to make conversation too haha. Family time is always important too. Nice list.

    Like

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