Hi internet pals. I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time and essentially just get it all off my chest. I have been going through the motions somewhat over the last six months and battling problems that I felt I was so out of my depth with.I never really felt like I had a problem with my mental health or my battles with anxiety until recently. I have been at a bit of a low ebb to say the very least. Pushing those closest to me away. Busying myself by going out nearly everyday or spending all my time sleeping or eating. I hadn’t really thought about what I was to do next all I was focusing on was trying to become myself again and doing anything I wanted to, to make me feel happy again. I was in my job for four and a half years, and in some aspects of retail work that would class me as an old timer.
It was quite a tumultuous journey I went on in those years and that’s really not me being over dramatic. I made some of the best friends whom I hope stay with me through life (no pressure guys) I also met some of the most eccentric people, here’s looking at you colleague X who used to colour in their food with a biro pen which would help add extra taste and flavour??? Yeah I made that ew noise too. I cried til I laughed and laughed til I cried on plenty of occasions.
I dealt with a close colleague suffering and also beating cancer. That was actually my first taste of the big C. She was my colleague, my confidante but more importantly she was my friend and I can admit I was scared. I hated seeing someone I was so fond of suffer.
I got sexually harassed in the workplace by a customer resulting in me having to take time off work. Too scared to leave the house. Too scared to go anywhere on my own. Having a panic attack on my first day out shopping with my Mum. Then returning to work and being told that I have to get over it immediately and cannot bring it up again. Fab.
I had to deal with one of the worst people and employees I had the misfortune to come across. Constantly blowing hot and cold, making mine and my colleagues lives hell, seeming almost hell bent to make our lives as much of a misery as possible. Culminating in said employee filing a malicious and false grievance claim, getting the police involved as she was screenshotting personal social media accounts for her own personal vendettas.
I became a store manager aged 21 just last year. Being one of the youngest on my region. I became a new person, feeling very career orientated. I wanted to pursue a path that my teachers at school said I’d never achieve. In doing so I became a sickly sweet yes person. To the point where I would often lose out on days off, working 6/7 days a week without a rest, sometimes even without breaks every day just to prove a point. To prove whatever it was to my boss that I was hoping he’d see. I was made to run a store practically on my own with no staff. Working so much overtime and 7am til late most days.
I became a shell of the person I used to be. I was constantly tired and burnt out. I felt emotionally and physically drained and everytime I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel the light seemed to keep getting further and further away. I had no support and I simply couldn’t cope with the poor treatment and lack of respect a second longer. Since leaving I’ve felt a combination of sadness, as I didn’t hate my job or my work pals. I’ve felt quite bitter as that treatment was just allowed to continue and no one seemed to care. But now more than anything I’m feeling mighty relieved I don’t have to put up with it anymore.
As mad as it sounds I’m kinda glad it all happened in those serious of unfortunate events. It shaped me to become a better, stronger person. I’ve learnt to not put up with any crap that is hurled my way. Whether that’s from a work environment, family and friends or even in relationships. If something doesn’t make you happy you are worth a hell of a lot more than to have to put up with it. Because you are awesome. And if they, whoever they are, cannot see that, then they can stick it.
All my love, A. x